Big Difference or Similarity Minute?

[PopeRozen]

Thanks,

Nikka: Yeah, I forget sometimes that everyone has their own motivations. Even book authors write for different reasons, and its important not to get bogged down by definitions and categories. Thats one of the beautiful things about this scene, YKOK.

jaeangel: Love/care is something not often emphasized when you are exposed to BDSM, especially on an entertainment-level. Its nice to hear someone else with the mentality "Doms/subs are people too." Unfortunately I've ran across some control-freaks and sadists who weren't looking out for anyone but themselves. I'm sure that's not a new story by any means. I'm saddened to think of how often it must keep recurring.

Anyways thanks for the feedback!

[mythicat]

Love/care is something not often emphasized when you are exposed to BDSM, especially on an entertainment-level...I've ran across some control-freaks and sadists who weren't looking out for anyone but themselves.

I've had the opposite experience with my (admittedly somewhat limited by age and circumstance) experience. I've mostly seen the love/care aspect portrayed as extremely vital to any relationship. Then again my background is D/S & B/D, not S/M. I wonder if that might have made a difference?

[PopeRozen]

mythicat,

Yeah, I definetly think it does. I was raised to fear fetish...we were'nt even allowed to watch James BOND movies when I was growing up, because of my born-again control-freak parents. So of course they emphasised things like abuse and torture and made no mention of love. This definetly skewed my perspectives, but fortunately also made me very curious...a little TOO curious!

Pope

[mythicat]

mythicat,

Yeah, I definetly think it does. I was raised to fear fetish...we were'nt even allowed to watch James BOND movies when I was growing up, because of my born-again control-freak parents. So of course they emphasised things like abuse and torture and made no mention of love. This definetly skewed my perspectives, but fortunately also made me very curious...a little TOO curious!

Pope

lol...woops! hehe

If it's any consolation I had a moderate religious upbringing (mom was a church secretary who didn't like to go back to work on Sunday ) by parents who were...relatively...open-minded about sex so long as they themselves didn't have to talk openly about it and I still ended up kinky.

I think I was born a little TOO curious!

meow

[PopeRozen]

mythic,

Don't worry, you didn't scratch up anyone's post,

Keep purrin
Pope

[PopeRozen]

Andi,

I thought it was a great post, as I have had to deal with a crying sub a few times myself. Although I'm not always sure what's going on in her mind, in fact quite rarely, when she starts crying I know we've gotta take 5 and sort things out. I guess lots of times it emotional overload, coupled with the physical stress.

The dividing line is funny too, my sub/gf said she had "wanted to be mine." This was really confusing for me, does she want to be a 24/7 slave? Does she want to only be my sub? Or does she just want a committment. And I do use the terms "pet" and "kitten" to talk to her and describe her, but she is not always acting like a pet or a kitten, and is reluctant to conform to that "type" of submissive. One of the hardest things is defining roles, and what we've come to agreement upon is that as a couple, we should not try to hard to fit any Ds "role."

[jaeangel]

You know, in the end, it's not really about fitting into any one role, one preconceived notion of what a Dom should be and what a sub should be. You need to be whatever makes you and your significan other comfortable. Talk to each other. Listen to each other. And in the end, reach a middle ground and be happy with it. There are a lot of so-called 'experts' in BDSM who will tell you that a sub has to be like this, and a Dom has to be like that. Don't listen to them. Find the place where you are happy, with yourself and with your partner, and toss what everyone else says out the window. Because it's only you two in the relationship; not them.