Second Assignment, Ana's Secret

[Beswitchingly Positive]

Wow! What can I say? This story is a seduction, from beginning to end, drawing the reader ever closer.

I love the way you set the dynamic between the two women in the beginning. How one is submissive and the other takes on the matching role, leading her.

I was a bit confused about the bracelet, though. There is a message in there but I didn't get it.

The second part with andrew seemed like an awkward ad-on at first but later turned into the seduction I had gotten used to. Maybe you should work a bit on the transition between the parts.



All said, a great story!

Satan_Klaus

Hey, SK, Thanks,

It was an awkward situation, so the transition wanted to feel that way. Perhaps it would be more effective if there was more of a transition, but I like to use a 'change scenes' effect, a quick switch if there is no real action to follow.

it is cool that you felt the seduction, the story was about Victoria's power of seduction. Yay!

The scene with Andrew might have seemed awkward because they are both switch, he is mostly dominant, but not so much that he can totally control Ana, they switch. Ana is more dominant than Victoria and who knows where Andrew will fall if they mix it up. I wondered if this would seem awkward, if seen from the perspective of someone who doesn't switch. This was the message of the bracelet, not to be totally enslaved when addressing submissiveness. I could work on making it more clear. Thanks for the thought.

Not to deviate from the thread, but I can't help imagining you as a firey cloven hooved beast in a jolly red suit giving out evil presents...I can hear parents telling their little ones "don't for get to leave Satan Klaus some whisky, or he might not remember you fondly this year."

Well, thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.

SP

[Satan_Klaus]

Hey, SK, Thanks,
Not to deviate from the thread, but I can't help imagining you as a firey cloven hooved beast in a jolly red suit giving out evil presents...I can hear parents telling their little ones "don't for get to leave Satan Klaus some whisky, or he might not remember you fondly this year."
SP

Hohoho who has been naughty this year? *rips open a rift in reality to roaring hellfire*

(And I really DO like milk and cookies. I might even leave a slave under the tree, tied tightly and nicely wrapped.)