Andrew, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. He was abusive before BDSM and then carried that abuse into BDSM. BDSM is not going to magically solve his problems. At least not in any short amount of time.

And in the meantime, there is a three year old little girl absorbing all that is done to her mother. And, depending on his temperment, also being put in the line of fire.

He needs more help than BDSM can ever give him.

I feel very passionately about this.

The first responsibility is to the child. And in that sense, let someone else play counselor to this abuser that has the sense of a coconut when it comes to relationships and bdsm. The welfare of the child is just so NOT worth it.

She's three years old. When her first active and conscious memories are going to take shape. She's already began imprinting into her subconscious. This is not what anyone wants to teach their child. That abuse is okay. And that's the message that children in the midst of abusive relationships get.

And as far as your submission, Miloura, you need to get counselling. You should be reading the abuse topics to help you understand the difference. But learn apart from this asshole. Submission does not equate to sacrifice of self at the expense of yourself.

Your self esteem is something you have to build and safegaurd. You won't be able to do either with him.