Problems..

[Dngnkeeper]

**** Putting on thinking cap and looking for something to add***

Danielle you ARE in an abusive relationship period. You dont need to know anything about BDSM to make that call. You stated up front that you were afraid of him because of his temper before any talk of BDSM came about. Then after BDSM was brought up it got worse. Pandora is spot on when she says you need to physically seperate yourself and your daughter from him. It will only get worse.

Some perspective from my personal history. Over the years I have had the unfortunate duty of performing this seperation several times. All of the times the story was very much like yours. Most of the women thought that he could change and profesional counceling, religious councling and law enforcement had tried and failed. The abuse continued and increased to the point where some women went to the hospital and all need much professional counciling to help with the emotional damage. The sooner you remove this man physically from your life the better off you will be. And what of your daughter? Not only is she a witness but you can't know if she will become a target for his abuse.

I remember talking with one of the abusers after BDSM was brought into an already abusive relationship. His take was that once she expressed her submissive feelings he felt that she was giving him complete exceptance of the abuse and was encouraging even harsher abuse. The fact that she felt betrayed and past any personal limit at this point didnt matter to him anymore as in his words "If she wants to be a submissive slut then she doesnt care what I do to her." He saw the introduction as vindication for any guilt he may have had and fuel for the fire.

So let me say again get away from him now, before he does more damage to you and your daughter.

[Mobius]

DK while I agree with most of what you are saying. She has not said any thing about physical abuse. So far it is only emotional abuse. While that is bad enough. I don"t know if that in its self is call for full seperation, It may.

She may have a need for the humiliation that comes from this kind relationship. She has been with him for 6 years.

What concerns me that she is "afriad of him"

If you are afraid of him that is couse to be concernd. Any kind of relationship should be a 2 way street. It should not be a my way or the high way thing.

But if it has not become physicaly abusive then consuling might help.
The DS should end until he can respect you and your limets.