Bless Me Father

[tessa]

Sanity and common-sense aside, this story is wildly hot. The characters, the setting, the casual, diary-like dialogue are a perfect mesh of style.

Loved it and would love to read more of the same.

tessa

[Mad Lews]

And Billy Joel claims they start much to late....
Seriously, like the style, the gritty, in your face attitude that somehow reeks of innocence trying to be discarded. only a pubescent schoolgirl can really pull that off. I'll leave the technical dismemberment to Mr Dean but the idea and execution seem close to spot on in my first read through. As for the breath control aspect, you seem a little hesitant, I think a clearer picture of that aspect and its physical effects could be drawn. If done well with clarity and gritty realism it would serve you better than any warning or disclaimer. It was also a bit of a tease to leave us were you did but I suspect this is an ongoing adventure.

Yours
Mad

[Nikita]

Thank you Tessa and Mad.

Mad, I can develop the breath play section more, how it felt, etc. I caught the misspellings after it was posted. (Bring it on Dean )

There are extra sentences that can be combined to make a smoother one that covers the points.

As far as the ending...I like to end those shorts like that and I've gotten spanked for doing it too.

Would a continuation of this parable help?

[Mad Lews]

Thank you Tessa and Mad.


As far as the ending...I like to end those shorts like that and I've gotten spanked for doing it too.

Would a continuation of this parable help?

You bet, with details!