the ladystouch Third Level 2 Assignment

[Aussiegirl1]

Thanks Lady C, I have to say I did really like this piece. You set the scene very well, giving a real feeling of anticipation. I liked the few twists you added, the sister and the unexpecting ending.

You have a good use of languague and punctuation, which means this was a well crafated piece. I do feel there is something missing though, even though I am finding it hard to put my finger on it. I think that I would like to learn more about Steve's emotions, even though I know in this piece, he purposely was hiding his emotions.

I would like you to do another piece of writing, which puts Steve into a more openly emotional scene. The one idea that came to my mind was what if he discovered his sister was being trained as a slave! I am also intriqued by the idea of him being a slave too, so that could be even be an idea for the piece.

This doesn't need to be a long piece, or even a full story, just show me Steve in a different light. I want you to really let me know how he is feeling about what is going on around him.

Contact me if you need any more imput.

Thanks again for a great job and I look forward to seeing your next piece of writing.

AG

[theladystouch]

You have a good use of languague and punctuation, which means this was a well crafated piece. I do feel there is something missing though, even though I am finding it hard to put my finger on it. I think that I would like to learn more about Steve's emotions, even though I know in this piece, he purposely was hiding his emotions.

I would like you to do another piece of writing, which puts Steve into a more openly emotional scene. The one idea that came to my mind was what if he discovered his sister was being trained as a slave! I am also intriqued by the idea of him being a slave too, so that could be even be an idea for the piece.
AG

Hello, Aussiegirl, and thanks for taking the time to read this piece. I agree with you. There is something vaguely incomplete with this scene, but I couldn't figure out what was missing, either.

I'll be happy to write another scene or story, but, if you don't mind, first, I'd like to take another crack at this one. I'd like to see if I can get the reader to really empathize with Steve's predicament.

I'm sorry to be stubborn about this piece, but I tend to be a little like a terrier with a bone--I worry at it until it submits! And I hate leaving an almost-good piece just lying there.

Thanks for your patience,