How to find a master?

[Ozme52]

Have you thought about local munches? Those are a good way to meet like minded people sometimes.

That was going to be my suggestion too. Munches are, imo, superior to clubs and private parties because you do get a chance to see and meet like-minded people who don't have the expectation you are there specifically to jump right into the deep end of the pool.

Except that the Dom's are on the winning side with a ratio of about 10subs for every Dom - not much of a competition for you guys but for us subs, it's hell haha!

As others have since mentioned, and I will confirm, finding a willing sub may be easier for us... finding a compatible sub is every bit as difficult as it is to find a compatible dom. Maybe moreso, the expectations on Doms is very high.

An observation:

I, too, have noticed that there seem to be many more subs than Doms here...yet I can enumerate at least 5 Doms I've become friends with over the past year who have specifically been looking for a sub and not finding one for themselves. My perception was always that they were tripping over subbies everywhere they turn! It seems that some of the ones who are seriously looking don't really advertise that fact because they don't want to deal with the onslaught of sorta-subs, wanna-bes, etc. So the advice above to just get to know people is correct. You'll find the one who's right for you by treating them as people first. And in the meantime...read as many posts by Doms here as you can. You'll sort out the wheat from the chaff, figure out which ones have something to say that you want to hear, and learn more about yourself along the way. Which is always a good thing.

And I know it's trite...but sometimes the connection with your future Dom comes right out of the blue. But by having read His writings beforehand...you'll know something about Him and who He is and how He thinks and goes about His 'domly' business.

That's good advice in all venues. Online, munches, clubs, and parties. Go. Look around. Learn. Maybe explore a bit. Don't push... and it just seems to come to you. But then, I believe that is true in all perspectives of life... not just (bdsm) relationships.

[gemmy]

That was going to be my suggestion too. Munches are, imo, superior to clubs and private parties because you do get a chance to see and meet like-minded people who don't have the expectation you are there specifically to jump right into the deep end of the pool.

I strongly disagree here - munches are a whole different lifestyle and not one that at all appeals to me, could just be the ones here but what I've learned is they are all there posturing about what they know. All those old men in leather trying to be Domly is not at all attractive to me personally. The people I know that go to munches here have a different take on BDSM, it's all very public, including their play - they are not into the one on one bond and in fact don't even require a connection with the person they are playing with and that is something I absolutely NEED.

I see some here live for munches and recommend it as a first suggestion to many, but not all munches are created equal and may not be for everyone

[TomOfSweden]

I strongly disagree here - munches are a whole different lifestyle and not one that at all appeals to me, could just be the ones here but what I've learned is they are all there posturing about what they know. All those old men in leather trying to be Domly is not at all attractive to me personally. The people I know that go to munches here have a different take on BDSM, it's all very public, including their play - they are not into the one on one bond and in fact don't even require a connection with the person they are playing with and that is something I absolutely NEED.

I see some here live for munches and recommend it as a first suggestion to many, but not all munches are created equal and may not be for everyone

I just wanted to say that, that's my and my slave's experience too. I've only met sad desperate people.... but maybe it's a Stockholm specific thing.

[Edm_Trainer]

I just wanted to say that, that's my and my slave's experience too. I've only met sad desperate people.... but maybe it's a Stockholm specific thing.

I'd third that emotion.
I've been to munches in a few different places, and even in a couple of countries. Much like Gemmy mentioned, most there (in my opinion) were there to make a show of it - and, perhaps in some way, themselves...
To each their own, for sure.
But I choose to not make that my own, nor would it be my first suggestion on where to find a Dom or sub.

Just one man's experienced take on things.

[Tojo]

I have no first hand experience of 'munches', & nor do I ever plan to. Not that there's ever likely to be any within a few thousand miles of here!

I've heard from many people though, that clubs, munches & dating sites are 'largely for the people who can't get a date anywhere else. '

For instance, if you go into a bar looking for a long-term fulfilling relationship, you'll probably be disappointed.

IMO, any Dom (or decent guy) who's worthwhile doesn't need to advertise.

Of course on the up side- there's always exceptions, & most of us only need one partner.

[Ozme52]

...but not all munches are created equal

Clearly. I guess I've been lucky to have met a great munch group.

Or maybe those who posture and preen have gone by the wayside in the face of those who still remember munches are not necessarily about hooking up as much as finding people who one can socialize with, without worrying about the "stigma" of being into BDSM.

[Ozme52]

I just wanted to say that, that's my and my slave's experience too. I've only met sad desperate people.... but maybe it's a Stockholm specific thing.

I'd third that emotion.
I've been to munches in a few different places, and even in a couple of countries. Much like Gemmy mentioned, most there (in my opinion) were there to make a show of it - and, perhaps in some way, themselves...
To each their own, for sure.
But I choose to not make that my own, nor would it be my first suggestion on where to find a Dom or sub.

Just one man's experienced take on things.

I have no first hand experience of 'munches', & nor do I ever plan to. Not that there's ever likely to be any within a few thousand miles of here!

I've heard from many people though, that clubs, munches & dating sites are 'largely for the people who can't get a date anywhere else. '

For instance, if you go into a bar looking for a long-term fulfilling relationship, you'll probably be disappointed.

IMO, any Dom (or decent guy) who's worthwhile doesn't need to advertise.

Of course on the up side- there's always exceptions, & most of us only need one partner.

Maybe it's just me.... bringing the best out in the people around me.

[DowntownAmber]

Maybe it's just me.... bringing the best out in the people around me.

Just chiming in to say that's gotta' be the case...

Anyway, back to topic... I've never been to a munch m'self - I managed to get lucky by finding Master, discovering we had chemistry, then allowing that chemistry to take us into BDSM activities quite naturally. However, for all the heat they seem to be getting on this thread, I would think the munches would be (or should be) just a real life version of what we all do right here. Talk, ask questions, network a little and occasionally meet someone. I mean, I'm certainly not here on the forums to find someone or because I can't get a date and I'm not here to advertise, but that doesn't mean I don't like talking to you all.

Give the munches a try, I say. If you don't like the group, don't go back. Simple as that.