Red flags for those new to the lifestyle

[lunaticlorraine]

•Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.

I would just like to make a comment about this.
As a sub who suffers from mental health problems this one could be complicated as to whether it is a 'red flag' or not.
Sometimes when I trust someone I will think allowed, or share my thoughts, feelings or problems. This could involve Suicide or Self-harm as I have done both in the past. I just wish to say that some people could take this as threatening suicide or self-harm, but in my case, and maybe others it is not. It is simply thinking allowed or asking for help at a difficult time. But I do agree that if someone threatens suicide or self-harm because you wont do something for them is a bad sign.

Just wanted to share this.

[Reya]

I would just like to make a comment about this.
As a sub who suffers from mental health problems this one could be complicated as to whether it is a 'red flag' or not.
Sometimes when I trust someone I will think allowed, or share my thoughts, feelings or problems. This could involve Suicide or Self-harm as I have done both in the past. I just wish to say that some people could take this as threatening suicide or self-harm, but in my case, and maybe others it is not. It is simply thinking allowed or asking for help at a difficult time. But I do agree that if someone threatens suicide or self-harm because you wont do something for them is a bad sign.

Just wanted to share this.

Asking for help or sharing concerns about suicide or self-harm are things that SHOULD be talked about in a healthy and honest relationship as people with thoughts or suicide or self harm really need to rely on close friends and family for support. So many people don't ask for help and when the warning signs are missed, bad things can and do happen.

That said, I'm fairly certain the point on this list refers to "If you dump me I'll kill myself". I've been a victim of this in a past relationship and while my story ended happily with him receiving treatment and myself looking for a new boyfriend, a lot of people find themselves stuck in an abusive relationship for reasons like this.

In response to _ID_: Some of the points on here I believe are pointed towards subs (Or in my mind at least they are, but obviously each of these points can be geared towards a dom). The threatening suicide or self harm is a big one. Another is: "Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you." (I've been a victim of this one too... I blocked him from my phone and online immediately and haven't spoken to him since, thank goodness.)

[scarlet_85]

As far as suicidal thoughts go, I feel that if a Master is that mentally unstable, the playing should stop. I had a very close friend that showed a lot of signs on this red flag list, including suicide, and felt that had I of submitted to him I would have been used as a punching bag (if you will). On a friendship level I was willing to help but on a Master/slave level I could not allow it. Love this post by the way. Very helpful