A plea for guidance

[jeanne]

I took some time to think about everyone's comments...

I'm sure though that if your relationship is a good one and your husband wants you to be happy, he'll try and find ways over time to find some middle ground with you.

Our relationship is good, but I'm not looking for half-hearted from him. As thrall said:

"if you don't want this for yourself, than its not worth my having."

I agree with her. He doesn't get that the thrill for me would be that he wanted it, wanted all of me and even more...and took it.

I think Oz comes closest to the answer

Hmmm. I don't like to admit that, no ma'am I don't. It sure does seem like we're all on a "Oz is right" kick here in the forums lately. He's going to become conceited.

jeanne that wasn't flattery nor a compliment just the truth, I too feel that way for you and have for quite some time. I guess I can relate as well as a Dom can I travel across country to be with morgan since she could not do without me only to be treated like dirt once I got here. Different sides to the same coin.

Well, Sir_Russell, you got a blush out of me. Not an easy thing to do. I am still so sorry about your relationship with morgan - I know you care for her very deeply.

The more I talked the more he shut down. I'm afraid it caused a lot of damage in our relationship.

We were getting to that point. Damaging.

Figuring it out, just not very well yet,
jeanne

[Ozme52]

It sure does seem like we're all on a "Oz is right" kick here in the forums lately. He's going to become conceited.

Who me?

[Austerus]

Aww j,

Sorry to hear things aren't going in a way that you might like. I'm sure though that if your relationship is a good one and your husband wants you to be happy, he'll try and find ways over time to find some middle ground with you. I'm sorry you're feeling depressed, but I hope that with time that things will improve.

In the meantime, you're always welcome to bitch loudly and regularly...I'll always be happy to listen.

[thrall]

Hi Honey..........I just saw this thread.........and i know your very pain.

.......................*bangs head on keyboard*

The words I use are "if you don't want this for yourself, than its not worth my having."

Yes I see, and know all to well, the need for communication, but you are feeling that its a one way street. That your husband is not ......hearing or listening to you when it comes to your wants and needs.

We are who we are J. You are a submissive and cannot change. He is vanilla and cannot change. The question is can you meet somewhere in the middle?

I think Oz comes closest to the answer

I'm here for you if you need to talk

Thrall

[Rhabbi]

j

Mishka and I started our online relationship without the Cyber-Play or any concentration on sex. we have a friendly argument about how we actually evolved into doing that, but I know that you can have a D/s relationship without that type of thing.

The reason I am saying this is so that you could consider this as an option. If you decide to go with the option because you decide you want the D/s you could make it clear from the beginning that there would be no play involved. This would not be an easy thing because sex would be something you would end up talking to your Dom about intimately. He would be aware of every aspect of your relationship with your husband, and know more about you than any psychiatrist.

This might not be easy for you to accept, but it is the truth.

[Sir_Russell]

jeanne,

Again I can't understand his point of view but I can relate to what your going through. If I can be of any help let me know from being a friend to counseling either of you.

I hate it when good people can't find the desire to make the most important person in their life happy.

[Logic1]

I hate it when good people can't find the desire to make the most important person in their life happy.

this hits the nail on the head dead on.

[jeanne]

Oh, don't be so hard on him, you guys! At least he tried. And where's the joy for me in submission if I know he's not doing it because HE wants to? For that matter, where's the submission at all in that case? And the submission is the important part for me, not the sensation in and of itself - rather, taking or doing or giving because it pleases HIM for me to do so is where my satisfaction (and orgasms ) exists.

[Rhabbi]

Oh, don't be so hard on him, you guys! At least he tried. And where's the joy for me in submission if I know he's not doing it because HE wants to? For that matter, where's the submission at all in that case? And the submission is the important part for me, not the sensation in and of itself - rather, taking or doing or giving because it pleases HIM for me to do so is where my satisfaction (and orgasms ) exists.

I am glad you see the point of all this j.

[Logic1]

seems like you are back in spirits again j.
good to hear that