vanilla relationship, but i NEED more!

[toy_k]

my 2p from my experience...

GUILT:
New Doms often feel very very guilty about the way they wish to treat women, afterall theyve often be fed the essentials of good manners, being polite company and the how to of disney relationships.... no one tells you that sometimes a female subby wants you to tell her to get on all fours and bare her intimates while you ruler her ass and that theres a time and place where that is ok! so you may be battling guilt and considerate male manners.

Confidence feeds Confidence...
Also you have to let him Dom, confidence inspires confidence, but getting that started requires him to be able to trust you to do what he says, if you try to misinterpret, sidestep, resist, successfully free yourself, etc., youre undermining him and sending him mixed messages... and he'll be thinking: she told me she wants commands so Im giving and shes avoiding them... does she not really want them? is she just doing this for me? back to guilt and manners.

Guilt 2! the ugly return of:
Also be prepared for guilt related Dom Drop, this is where youve had a had cracking night, hes spanked you hard, bruised you in places, tied you to stuff and had his way with you. then in the morning wakes up and thinks... what ive done is what bad people do, and its illegal.... OMG what have I done. Conscience jumps in and he stops believing that you could have enjoyed it too, and ends up on a moralistic downward spiral. this is when you have to step in and reassure him that he wasnt the only one to enjoy it, I find that morning after feedback really helps, if its positive (dont be gushy just realistic, shy is always nice too) it can help build his confidence too and reassure him hes allowed to enjoy you.

hope that helps a bit

U.

Thank you for your pennies. I have talked to him about whether he feels this is abusive, or degrading and if he is uncomfortable with it, but he has not expressed these concerns. I am only worried that he doesnt believe that you should do certain things to someone you love, so there is a limit for him. I will respect that because i have my limits too.

Your middle section on confidence IS where I need to focus. I cannot expect instant results and i DO need to let him get a feel without pressure. Thank You for your input....it will help.

But as far as apprehension because he is worried about abusing me or doing something wrong, something taboo, i do not believe that is an issue for us.

[agirlsfantasy]

my 2p from my experience...

GUILT:
New Doms often feel very very guilty about the way they wish to treat women, afterall theyve often be fed the essentials of good manners, being polite company and the how to of disney relationships.... no one tells you that sometimes a female subby wants you to tell her to get on all fours and bare her intimates while you ruler her ass and that theres a time and place where that is ok! so you may be battling guilt and considerate male manners.

Confidence feeds Confidence...
Also you have to let him Dom, confidence inspires confidence, but getting that started requires him to be able to trust you to do what he says, if you try to misinterpret, sidestep, resist, successfully free yourself, etc., youre undermining him and sending him mixed messages... and he'll be thinking: she told me she wants commands so Im giving and shes avoiding them... does she not really want them? is she just doing this for me? back to guilt and manners.

Wow... i have been stabbed in the heart by this post. i just posted about 30 min ago a question about me feeling bad that i want more from Master... that He seems too nice and not wanting to hurt me and not trusting me when i say "it's OK!" and trying to pull it out of him by riling him up with taunts from time to time. i really feel bad now, because in the end He is an absolutely amazing Master and i couldn't find anyone better for me. (i just wish his "kindness" were a little more "harsh" if that makes sense...)

[Guera]

Everything that UTburd said. And most of it is true for women dommes, not just doms.

I think one thing that has really helped me feel more comfortable with myself, as a new domme, is education. I have to know how far I can go when we are playing, I am not comfortable figuring it out as we go along. (for instance- how long can I cut off the circulation to xyz body part? How deep of a indent can make into his skin before I might draw blood? What does it feel like when I pinch his cock here vs there?). obviously some of this learning is "hands on", but if I felt like I was just supposed to show up in a leather outfit and a bunch of rope and a whip, and act out a porn movie, I would freak the *&^ out.

I also agree with previous suggestions that you present yourself to him (whoever him is, whenver the time comes), and simply BE the submissive.

[YngMaster8]

I agree with you Nox.

Toy, it seems this kind of question comes up often on the forums. It is great to see someone really taking the steps to communicate with their partner. There is a lot of good advice on here. I hope you keep us updated and it continues to go well.

regards.