A is for Aftercare

[Whippett]

Two points based on the above comments - I dislike cyber because I am too disconnected from my sub to keep her from doing something she might regret afterwards; and I am a very physical person - and need to see her face as we work - as well as touch her. It's ok as a stop-gap between real-time sessions, but only when there's no alternative.

And aftercare:
Yes, it's extremely important - even for subs who claim they prefer just to be left for a while. I'm fond of suspension (addicted might be a better word - lol) . My girl likes to be left to hang after an intense session, but I don't like to do that - we're still working on a compromise that fits us both - and she seems to be coming round to my way of thinking (of course she does as she's told in this regard, but I want her to enjoy it, not just do it to please me).

Even after a short session - if she achieves subspace (and she usually does unless we're both off our game for some reason), the endorphine withdrawal can be an issue. She usually says she's fine and just needs quiet - but I prefer a more hands on approach - so I take her down, sit her on my lap, wrap a blanket around us both and hand feed her tidbits I prepare before the session - she never knows what the treats will be - she's not allowed to look - but they are always things she likes - usually a combination of fruits and chocolates. She isn't allowed to take them - she's fed them slowly, from my fingers or from between my teeth - between sips of water. We both find it exceedingly erotic - for her to sit, naked, cuddled on my lap and be teased with morsels of fruit and chocolate - between tidbits, I'll stroke her hair and call her a good girl and favourite slut and other soft things and give her kisses. If it's going to be a long session - I usually look for more exotic treats than the usual - perhaps a special chocolate, or if there are fresh figs or cumquats or star fruit available - I'll use those. If she wants to hang after we've done our after-care ritual - I'll put her back on the suspension frame, turn off all the lights except by a reading chair - turn the stereo down and put on one of her favourite pieces of music - the reading chair is positioned where she can see me - and I'll sit there and read (sometimes aloud) or just watch her. I also tend to get up frequently and just stroke her gently. I don't leave her hanging for more than half an hour, then lower her and release her. All in all a good after-care session can last for several hours - especially after an intense session.

If it's late in the evening - after-care is usually followed by a bath, bed and a story...she's always tucked in and read to after a session - sometimes I join her after she starts to fall asleep - sometimes I let her sleep for a while before joining her - it depends on whether I'm still a little hyper or not.

[slave_juice]

She usually says she's fine and just needs quiet - but I prefer a more hands on approach -

i like how your aftercare is so nurturing and you seem to dedicate alot of time and thought to it...

it seems like your sub is saying that she needs some quiet time after a scene though, for some subs that is necessary before (or as part of) after care...

for me, after a scene, when im in subspace... my brain is on "standby" im non functional and unreceptive to any stimuli... i very much need that time to process and recover from the scene...

when my dom and i first played together, we were both suprised that i needed that... now, after a scene, he has me comfortable under a blanket, in total silence... eventually he starts bringing me out of it and then proceeds to provide aftercare... it really works for me, i wonder how ur sub would feel about it...

[Whippett]

i like how your aftercare is so nurturing and you seem to dedicate alot of time and thought to it...

it seems like your sub is saying that she needs some quiet time after a scene though, for some subs that is necessary before (or as part of) after care...

for me, after a scene, when im in subspace... my brain is on "standby" im non functional and unreceptive to any stimuli... i very much need that time to process and recover from the scene...

when my dom and i first played together, we were both suprised that i needed that... now, after a scene, he has me comfortable under a blanket, in total silence... eventually he starts bringing me out of it and then proceeds to provide aftercare... it really works for me, i wonder how ur sub would feel about it...

I guess I should clarify somewhat - I cut some corners in my original post since this is a discussion of after-care.

How after-care proceeds depends on the scene with us - if she's very deeply into subspace, and not processing, I like to make sure she is indeed fine before I give her the quiet time she needs. When she's deeply into subspace she will keep on going to the point of physical injury if allowed to - so her "I'm fine, I just need some quiet." is usually just part of her standard "I'm fine response." regardless of whether she is or not. In those cases I take a hands on approach until I'm sure she is indeed fine. Once I'm sure she is, she gets her preferred quiet time method (she rests easier either caged or suspended, depending on how she's feeling). The heat is kept up in the dungeon so she doesn't catch chill - she prefers not to be covered when having quiet time.

If the scene has been less intense, or she's not so deep into subspace she's unable to process, then I'll generally take her down from the suspension rig and re-suspend her in another pose which puts less strain on her if she wants quiet time - and give her a little water as I reposition her.

I use a baby monitor and a webcam to monitor her when she's having quiet time - so I can keep an eye on her and make sure she's ok - when she gets a little restless I know she's ready to rejoin me - and the after-care proceeds.

So yes - she gets the quiet time she needs - but I make sure she's fine before I leave her.