Infidelity and BDSM

[jeanne]

I think you've made yourself very clear. Perhaps not in ways you intended...but a by-product of harsh, black-and-white, judgemental, caustic, ugly, name-calling statements is that others see you more clearly than you might like.

Thanks for sharing!

[Ragoczy]

I think you've made yourself very clear. Perhaps not in ways you intended...but a by-product of harsh, black-and-white, judgemental, caustic, ugly, name-calling statements is that others see you more clearly than you might like.

Thanks for sharing!

So you see nothing wrong or at all worthy of rebuke in someone betraying a trust and causing hurt to those who trust them?

[annie]

Glad to see that the "respect" which is the number 1 standard rule here is going so strongly in this thread...

[Ragoczy]

Glad to see that the "respect" which is the number 1 standard rule here is going so strongly in this thread...

"Respect" isn't unconditional and there are some acts which strike a strong, negative chord with people.

If a child-molester or rapist came here and started describing his exploits, would you "respect" him or speak out against him? No, I am not implying a moral equivalency between these and infidelity, but they are all things that some people consider to be wrong. Good people, when faced with wrong, speak out against it.

[annie]

"Respect" isn't unconditional and there are some acts which strike a strong, negative chord with people.

If a child-molester or rapist came here and started describing his exploits, would you "respect" him or speak out against him? No, I am not implying a moral equivalency between these and infidelity, but they are all things that some people consider to be wrong. Good people, when faced with wrong, speak out against it.

Opinions can be stated without being nasty about it though... even strong ones.

[Ragoczy]

Opinions can be stated without being nasty about it though... even strong ones.

Granted, in general, but this is a sensitive, personal topic and that tends to bring out the emotion. I'm sure there are some real-life experiences that contribute to the strong feelings; probably some who had a partner who was unfaithful and others who may, right now, be hiding their participation in this community from a spouse. Displaced anger or defensiveness, either one gets people emotional.

On the other hand, I like a heated debate with high emotions, so I didn't see much that would keep me from taking anyone in the thread out for a beer after the discussion.

[cadence]

Granted, in general, but this is a sensitive, personal topic and that tends to bring out the emotion. I'm sure there are some real-life experiences that contribute to the strong feelings; probably some who had a partner who was unfaithful and others who may, right now, be hiding their participation in this community from a spouse. Displaced anger or defensiveness, either one gets people emotional.

On the other hand, I like a heated debate with high emotions, so I didn't see much that would keep me from taking anyone in the thread out for a beer after the discussion.

Of course it is a sensitive subject, but someone brought it upon themselves to bring up the subject of cheating on a partner, and took it upon themselves to denounce and degrade anyone who would dare even think about it. I haven't read through all of the posts but I haven't seen any other posts come close to being disrespectful to anyone else.

I don't mind reading or participating in heated subjects, I rarely post to them, as I am ill equiped in the fine art of informal logic.

I am fine with others having an opinion, everyone is entitled to thiers, I am fine with people being judgemental, they are also entitled to have thier say.
However I believe that there is a distinct difference in judging others and doing it in a way that does not promote sweeping generalizations.
There is a difference when someone measures thier words carefully and doesn't speak them in vain. Personal preference and tastes, should be kept quiet.
Then there is a person who believes that they have full reign to "fully speak thier mind" regardless as to how they do it.
It's childish and rude.
That may make me a hypocrite and judgemental as well, but I don't put up with name calling and abuse towards others.
Being judgemental in this fashion typically calls out to individuals or groups and labels them.
A person can have a strong opinion, but they should use tact and discrection while doing it.

[leah06]

"Respect" isn't unconditional and there are some acts which strike a strong, negative chord with people.

If a child-molester or rapist came here and started describing his exploits, would you "respect" him or speak out against him? No, I am not implying a moral equivalency between these and infidelity, but they are all things that some people consider to be wrong. Good people, when faced with wrong, speak out against it.

Some people consider lots of things to be wrong, many of which people on this site participate in. I don't think it's enough that someone "considers" something to be wrong for them to speak in such a hurtful, sweeping manner. Of course we would all condemn a pedophile, but there's a lot of slippery slope between here and there and I don't think infidelity and pedophilia are equivalent. I think people should be very sure that whatever activity they are planning to condemn falls into the pedophile category before they use the most inflamatory and intemperate language they can muster.

Respect is a good place to start, and maybe people should ask themselves whether it's really necessary to depart from that in order to make a point.

[Ragoczy]

Some people consider lots of things to be wrong, many of which people on this site participate in. I don't think it's enough that someone "considers" something to be wrong for them to speak in such a hurtful, sweeping manner. Of course we would all condemn a pedophile, but there's a lot of slippery slope between here and there and I don't think infidelity and pedophilia are equivalent. I think people should be very sure that whatever activity they are planning to condemn falls into the pedophile category before they use the most inflamatory and intemperate language they can muster.

Respect is a good place to start, and maybe people should ask themselves whether it's really necessary to depart from that in order to make a point.

So who is the arbiter of what someone's allowed to think is wrong and speak out against strongly? You?

Some people do form a moral equivilency between things you may not. Do you get to stop them from saying those things are wrong? No, you get to speak out against them if you feel strongly enough.

Someone who feels homosexuality is wrong will speak out strongly against it. Many do so in a way that doesn't "respect" those they're speaking out against. That's their right and, frankly, duty to vigorously oppose what they feel is so wrong.

Just as it's my right and duty to vigorously oppose their ignorant, bigoted, hateful rhetoric. I might choose to use calm, reasoned arguments with them in the hopes of convincing them, but, at some point, when I see they're set in their bigotry, it's my right and duty to call them assholes.

And I think this has veered quite off the topic of infidelity, so I'll probably try very hard to leave it at that. Really, I will. Try. Yeah.

[leah06]

That's their right and, frankly, duty to vigorously oppose what they feel is so wrong.

People have many duties and sometimes they appear to conflict. I would simply urge people who feel a duty to speak abusively about a strongly-held belief to consider whether they have other duties as well, perhaps even to other members of this community, not to damage the fabric of the discussion.